i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
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