R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
