she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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