you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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