I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
