My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
