i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
