arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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