i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
