Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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