I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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