he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
