K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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