My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I had to cum in my sink.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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