True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I need a burrito and a hug.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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