dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
