u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
