i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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