The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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