Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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