You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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