im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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