First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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