Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
