We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
