Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
