Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
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I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
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I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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