this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
