Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
