You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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