can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he thought i was a dude.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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