We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
