Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
