If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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