so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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