He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize