last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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