Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
