my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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