D3 body, D1 cock
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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