Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
