I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
