I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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