Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
