Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
