i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
