Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
