He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
as a side note pls kill me
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
