I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
