he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
