That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
