Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
It's blow job season.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
