Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
