Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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