I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
