Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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