so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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