Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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