My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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