I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
