you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Randomize
