i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
