Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He? As in you personified your dick?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
